Module Example Version 1.01
This is the original module that I submitted to BioWare in May 2009. The scripting sometimes doesn't work, and I've noticed quite a few things that don't do what they're supposed to, but overall I had fun creating and working on it. Much of the more complex scripting was done by a friend of mine. For the rest, I used a script generator.
You can download the module here. I don't believe I will get around to fixing the scripting errors, since I'd rather work on something new, but if you find a problem that's easy to fix, please let me know. As always, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
Note: The submission on the BioWare website, and any available writing positions you will see advertised, will ask for a module of minimum 3,000 words. As you can see below, that should be maximum.
You can download the module here. I don't believe I will get around to fixing the scripting errors, since I'd rather work on something new, but if you find a problem that's easy to fix, please let me know. As always, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
Note: The submission on the BioWare website, and any available writing positions you will see advertised, will ask for a module of minimum 3,000 words. As you can see below, that should be maximum.
Feedback
"Here it is. It is all very honest and it is representative of feedback a writer receives at a peer review that takes place here on a weekly basis. Please incorporate the feedback into your last submission for this rewrite. Feedback is drawn from a panel of writers.
Aim for no more than 3000 words total. Your last submission came in at 5800, but cutting back on the narrative will help bring the word count down (see 2 below).
What was evident was your skill to creating an inviting story with multiple branches and defined and different characters. What was lacking was structure: clear plot paths, anticipating player responses, providing different and meaningful player responses.
I’ve attached a mod called SampleSetup for you to look at or modify for this rewrite, as well. Notice it has no scripting, combat, or exploration although narration could be used to create exploration details.
__
Feedback:
1. Demonstrate clear story structure. Have a distinct beginning, middle and end to your mod. When writing variable endings, make sure each is clearly driven by a conscious player choice.
2. Remove all narration other than what is explaining something that gameplay, scripting or cinematics would handle in the game. I.e. "The man falls dead clasping his neck," is acceptable, "She looks at you with contempt and you feel your soul shriveling inside you," is not. Mood or emotion should be conveyed effectively through dialogue, not narration.
3. Ensure all NPCs are distinct and consistent in voice, except those you intentionally want to change personalities and demeanour.
4. Provide an opening background entry explaining why the reader is in this town, what the goal is, and anything else about the player’s background that is relevant. Any background that is not in this pop-up should not be presumed in dialogue. For example, no one should talk about how I cowered in bed after Daddy hit me unless I already know that I am playing an abused child. I think specifically you assumed knowledge of the Planescape world that the player doesn’t have.
5. Let me ask about the guy who dropped dead in front of me! Always think about what is going to be at the forefront of the player's mind and make sure that is available in dialogue. The story opens dramatically with this guy dropping dead, and then I can't ask about it to ANYONE that I meet. This should be my first dialogue option with every person I talk to.
6. Make sure that all dialogues include an option for me to be nice/conciliatory, an option for me to ask questions, and an option for me to be mean/combative. If I have talked for a while and asked all questions, it can go down to a binary nice/mean choice, but in this module, that happened far too often too quickly, forcing me to make major decisions about who I was working for before I understood the situation. Many, many places offered several variants on the same attitude, such as being mean verbally, being mean and drawing a weapon, and being mean and killing someone -- rather than giving the player a real choice. Remember, the player needs to experience the story HE wants, not the story you want. Don't try to make the player feel a particular way about something by using player lines -- if you want to piss the player off, make the NPC be horrible to him, then give him an angry top option, but always include the chance for him to take the high road. Again, I think this problem was due to too close an adherence to the Planescape world.
7. Make sure the player knows what is happening! This is the most important rule, and the one most often violated. While the NPCs seem mysterious and powerful by having them not explain themselves, because I was not a part of this world to begin with, the player becomes un-immersed in the story. The NPCs should each make a powerful pitch for their side of the story and let me decide between them.
8. Having transparent NPC’s is not a curse since it allows you to sell plot twists and NPC deceptions in the middle or end of the module.
9. The player should feel heroic and in-control, and important to the outcome of this story. As it is, I feel like I got jerked around by the Magister, never really got the other girl's side of the story, and when I sided with her anyway, the Magister killed everyone. No matter what options I chose, people died and I never understood why. Rewrite this so that I am more than an errand boy; let my actions change the story in a way that matters.
10. Do not have lengthy dialogues between NPCs that I can't participate in. If you give the stone to the kid (which I found very arbitrary and unexplained as a solution), you get a very, very long dialogue between the kids and the innkeeper that the player cannot respond to at all. Worse, the dialogue ends in combat, so the player never even has a chance afterward to ask what's going on. Keep the player active; let me be part of the big climactic dialogue; let my words be what determines whether or not there is a fight.
The goals of using the template are:
1. Eliminating scripting and combat to focus on dialogue and character personalities
2. Make structure easier by providing a logical and visual flow to the mod for you and the reviewer
3. Separate conversations into separate entities for ease of creation
4. Manage your word limit
Don’t let the template limit your story telling:
1. Treat the template as a guideline and not a defined format
2. Adjust the order in which the conversations unfold, the location of narrative entries, the overall structure of the branches, and certainly the creature models
3. Located each NPC node as needed, and they can be created or deleted as required
4. Use any number of multiple endings, but ask yourself if each is unique and necessary. Also, keep your word limit in mind
5. If your story splits closer to the middle instead of at the end in the template, set up parallel conversations paths to complete the mod instead of all in series
6. I did like the imp, but it’s there just for fun and it’s larger volume actually messed up the spacing of the characters
You identified a love of exploration in the interview. This can be achieved in a more directed fashion. For example:
1. NPC “X” conversation ends in a quest: go find evidence of activity. NPC “X” gives clues to consequences of returning with items of different properties
2. Narrative: exploring (embellish atmosphere here) reveals a hammer, a horseshoe, and an anvil. You can only carry one of them
3. Return to NPC “X” with an item, each leads to a different branch of the story, which perhaps leads to different endings"
Aim for no more than 3000 words total. Your last submission came in at 5800, but cutting back on the narrative will help bring the word count down (see 2 below).
What was evident was your skill to creating an inviting story with multiple branches and defined and different characters. What was lacking was structure: clear plot paths, anticipating player responses, providing different and meaningful player responses.
I’ve attached a mod called SampleSetup for you to look at or modify for this rewrite, as well. Notice it has no scripting, combat, or exploration although narration could be used to create exploration details.
__
Feedback:
1. Demonstrate clear story structure. Have a distinct beginning, middle and end to your mod. When writing variable endings, make sure each is clearly driven by a conscious player choice.
2. Remove all narration other than what is explaining something that gameplay, scripting or cinematics would handle in the game. I.e. "The man falls dead clasping his neck," is acceptable, "She looks at you with contempt and you feel your soul shriveling inside you," is not. Mood or emotion should be conveyed effectively through dialogue, not narration.
3. Ensure all NPCs are distinct and consistent in voice, except those you intentionally want to change personalities and demeanour.
4. Provide an opening background entry explaining why the reader is in this town, what the goal is, and anything else about the player’s background that is relevant. Any background that is not in this pop-up should not be presumed in dialogue. For example, no one should talk about how I cowered in bed after Daddy hit me unless I already know that I am playing an abused child. I think specifically you assumed knowledge of the Planescape world that the player doesn’t have.
5. Let me ask about the guy who dropped dead in front of me! Always think about what is going to be at the forefront of the player's mind and make sure that is available in dialogue. The story opens dramatically with this guy dropping dead, and then I can't ask about it to ANYONE that I meet. This should be my first dialogue option with every person I talk to.
6. Make sure that all dialogues include an option for me to be nice/conciliatory, an option for me to ask questions, and an option for me to be mean/combative. If I have talked for a while and asked all questions, it can go down to a binary nice/mean choice, but in this module, that happened far too often too quickly, forcing me to make major decisions about who I was working for before I understood the situation. Many, many places offered several variants on the same attitude, such as being mean verbally, being mean and drawing a weapon, and being mean and killing someone -- rather than giving the player a real choice. Remember, the player needs to experience the story HE wants, not the story you want. Don't try to make the player feel a particular way about something by using player lines -- if you want to piss the player off, make the NPC be horrible to him, then give him an angry top option, but always include the chance for him to take the high road. Again, I think this problem was due to too close an adherence to the Planescape world.
7. Make sure the player knows what is happening! This is the most important rule, and the one most often violated. While the NPCs seem mysterious and powerful by having them not explain themselves, because I was not a part of this world to begin with, the player becomes un-immersed in the story. The NPCs should each make a powerful pitch for their side of the story and let me decide between them.
8. Having transparent NPC’s is not a curse since it allows you to sell plot twists and NPC deceptions in the middle or end of the module.
9. The player should feel heroic and in-control, and important to the outcome of this story. As it is, I feel like I got jerked around by the Magister, never really got the other girl's side of the story, and when I sided with her anyway, the Magister killed everyone. No matter what options I chose, people died and I never understood why. Rewrite this so that I am more than an errand boy; let my actions change the story in a way that matters.
10. Do not have lengthy dialogues between NPCs that I can't participate in. If you give the stone to the kid (which I found very arbitrary and unexplained as a solution), you get a very, very long dialogue between the kids and the innkeeper that the player cannot respond to at all. Worse, the dialogue ends in combat, so the player never even has a chance afterward to ask what's going on. Keep the player active; let me be part of the big climactic dialogue; let my words be what determines whether or not there is a fight.
The goals of using the template are:
1. Eliminating scripting and combat to focus on dialogue and character personalities
2. Make structure easier by providing a logical and visual flow to the mod for you and the reviewer
3. Separate conversations into separate entities for ease of creation
4. Manage your word limit
Don’t let the template limit your story telling:
1. Treat the template as a guideline and not a defined format
2. Adjust the order in which the conversations unfold, the location of narrative entries, the overall structure of the branches, and certainly the creature models
3. Located each NPC node as needed, and they can be created or deleted as required
4. Use any number of multiple endings, but ask yourself if each is unique and necessary. Also, keep your word limit in mind
5. If your story splits closer to the middle instead of at the end in the template, set up parallel conversations paths to complete the mod instead of all in series
6. I did like the imp, but it’s there just for fun and it’s larger volume actually messed up the spacing of the characters
You identified a love of exploration in the interview. This can be achieved in a more directed fashion. For example:
1. NPC “X” conversation ends in a quest: go find evidence of activity. NPC “X” gives clues to consequences of returning with items of different properties
2. Narrative: exploring (embellish atmosphere here) reveals a hammer, a horseshoe, and an anvil. You can only carry one of them
3. Return to NPC “X” with an item, each leads to a different branch of the story, which perhaps leads to different endings"
